Present Moment Wondrous Moment 當下

还有几个二十年？天安门广场六四事件二十周年

2009-06-04T21:52:00.003+08:00

天安门广场六四事件发生的那一年，我只不过是个什么都不懂的五岁小孩。

二十年过去了，事件未得到中共的平反。

引起我深思的另一个问题是：人生还有几个二十年？

我走在港大的国柱，看见旁边放了很多白色的菊花。

Dormant

2009-06-04T21:19:00.002+08:00

So I was dormant for more than 4 months, occupied with work and study at the same time. A lame excuse for not having enough motivation perhaps. It is easy to start a plan but not easy to sustain it. Same with everything that we always do.

After the hassles of these 4 months, I made a brief and fruitful trip back home to visit my family members, boyfriend and long lost friends. And after this, within a day's time I was transported from my native land where I spent my sweetest childhood and teenagehood memories to the concrete jungle that I now live.

Now that I am heading for Si Chuan for my summer placement project, I think it is time for me to re-energize and warm up this blog again, keeping a log of moments that I am about to experience in another foreign land that I am going to spend my next 3 months in.

My New Year Resolution

2009-01-11T08:45:00.002+08:00

After a week for hustles rushing in and out entertaining friends from Msia and Spore, I finally have the time to really sit down, relax and contemplate on my goals and resolutions for this year.
During the past, I have never ever achieved 100% of what I have set at the beginning of the year. While I eagerly draft all my goals and aims for this year, I wish I could really make a 100% hit this year.

My goals:
1. Continue learning elementary Japanese
2. Try as much as I can to write in Traditional Chinese Characters
3. Practice Chinese Calligraphy
4. Regain my momentum and passion in music ( I need to polish up my violin techniques)
5. Visit all museums in HK
6. Buy myself a second hand clavi/keyboard (I have been deferring this goal for 2 years!)
7. Write some good papers
8. Read at least 2 books per month

My hope:
- visit Beijing/Taiwan by this year
- have a fruitful summer internship
- open another new Chinese Blog

May I be able to achieve all my resolutions.

星云法语

2008-11-08T00:27:00.004+08:00

太久没有佛法的熏陶，感觉上生活有点空空的。想起过往的一年经常往Brickfields Vihara, BGF等南传寺庙跑（其实这要谢谢过去一年跟我住在一起的香玲，没有她我也许不会那么精进），无形中生活有了一种推动力。那天终于在恍恍惚惚与迷茫之中跑到旺角星云大师在香港的道场，听了一场台湾师父的弘法。在这个绚烂的城市之中，犹如久旱逢甘露。

记录了以下这短星云大师写的文字，记得以前不知在什么地方看过了，现在重温可说是别有一番滋味：

心甘情愿

人生在世，
若能时时以心甘情愿的态度
来实现理想，必能有苦时不觉苦，
有难时不觉难，
一切困境自可迎任而解，
无事不办，无愿不成。

Present moment wonderful moment

2008-11-04T11:29:00.003+08:00

I jotted down these poems in my diary 4 months ago in a monastery in Stokes Valley, Wellington. They are written by a Vietnamese Monk- Thich Nhat Hanh ( 一行禅师), who advocates peace ever since the post-Vietnam war era, and continue to inspire people around United States and the world. I have not gotten the privilege to meet this fantastic Zen master as yet, but reading his poems and his writings tend to uplift my spirit and mind everytime.

1. Waking Up
Waking up this morning, I smile
24 brand new hours are before me
I vow to live fully in each moment
and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion

2. Taking up the first step of the day
Walking on the Earth
is a miracle!
Each mindful step
reveals the wondrous Dharmakaya

3. Opening the window
Opening the window
I look out onto the Dharmakaya
How wondrous is life!
Attentive to each moment
My mind is clear like a calm river

4. Looking in the mirror
Awareness is a mirror
Reflecting the four elements
Beauty is a heart that generates love
and a mind that is open.

5. Using the toilet
Defiled or immaculate
increasing or decreasing
these concepts exist only in our minds
the reality of interbeing is unsurpassed

6. Turning on the water
Water flows from high in the mountains
Water runs deep in the Earth
Miraculously, water comes to us,
and sustains all life

7. Washing your hands
Water flows over these hands
May I use them skillfully
to preserve our precious planet

8. Brushing your teeth
Brushing my teeth and rinsing my mouth
I vow to speak purely and lovingly
When my mouth is fragrant with right speech
A flower blooms in the garden of my heart

9.Bathing
Unborn and indestructible
Beyond time and space
Both transmission and inheritance
Lie in the wonderful nature of the Dharmadhatu.

10. Looking at your hand
Whose hand is this
that has never died?
Who is it who was born in the past?
Who is it who will die in the future?

11. Washing your feet
Peace and joy in each toe-
My own peace and joy

12. Getting dressed
Putting on these clothes
I am grateful to those who made them
and to the materials from which they were mae
I wish everyone could have enough to wear.

* Thich Nhat Hanh currently resides in Plum Village in southern France. Visiting his monastery is one of my dream in the near future. You can learn more about Thich Nhat Hanh and his monastery by clicking on 'Plum Village' from my blog links.*

一段让我若有所思的文字

2008-11-01T22:00:00.002+08:00

友人怡亭写了这一段文字，虽然不是直接dedicate给我的，不过看了之后却感触良多。我想远在异乡的你同样面对着一样的困境吧，加油吧朋友，不管未来结局如何，我们一起勇敢地走下去。

文：王怡亭
对于家人的爱和思念

有时侯我们不会察觉

因为感觉上

他们永远不会背弃我们

因为稳定所以忽略

人,总在濒临失去才有感受

对于另一半

我们懂得珍惜

因为我们害怕失去

因为那种隐约的担忧

所以我们在乎

决定很多时候

没有所谓的对错

今天不管选了什么

还是会有犹豫和矛盾

每个选择都有好坏

只是可能份量不一样

既然已经开了头

很多时候只能往前走

与其埋怨

不如改变

改变心态,改变自己,改变方式,改变结局

所有的权利在你手中

自己才是自己的主人

如果你选择坚持

就得坚持自己的选择

人生是残忍的

有时你不能回头

可是你可以转弯

路

有时有点崎岖

可能你比别人兜得更远

但每个人都有自己的宿命

只有靠自己你才能找到出路

我们会迷惑

我们会埋怨

因为我们不懂得尊重自己的决定

要看清方向

我们才能继续前进

只有继续前进

才能到达目的

不要放弃

Egg tainted with Malamine as well? What's next?

2008-10-28T08:07:00.003+08:00

I was enjoying my yummy egg tart and 菠箩包 (the only food that I like in HK) as breakfast this morning, when i was suddenly struck by the CNN news reporting that HK eggs were found to be tainted with industrial chemical Malamine as well, twice the amount of those found in formula! I was chewing on the last bite of my egg tart when I heard the news, and having known that I was actually consuming a considerable amount of Malamine, I immediately thought of the potential of having renal failure later.....One of you who's reading this must count on donating one of your kidney to me!!

So after the tainted baby formula scandal, most dairy products such as yogurt were found to be contaminated as well. Next we heard about made in China Cadbury chocolatate, biscuits, now come the eggs! So what's next??

I have been constantly aware of the quality of made in China manufactured food products all the while even before the tainted milk scandal was revealed publicly, now I have virtually abstained from all their products. But a friend teased me for my naiveness, living in HK, how can you possibly make sure that all your food consumption is 100% China free? The vegetables that we eat in the canteen are imported from China, so is the milk in the milk tea, and what about the flour used in making egg tart and 菠箩包？

When are the manufacturers in mainland going be more ethical? Public trust can be compromised and their long term sustainability growth can be jeapordized if all they have in their mind is only profit, revenue and thier 'face'.

参观解放军驻香港部队营地

2008-10-26T20:26:00.009+08:00

陆军表演“倒功”

军队操演

这张照片活生生地体现出没有广大社交圈子的哀伤（眼神紧绷的海军好像是被我们逼着拍照的）

我站在可以发射导弹的军潜上

真枪无实弹

Tin Shui Wai- A forgotten territory

2008-10-21T02:04:00.005+08:00

Watched a heart-wrenching documentary in school this evening. It is about a documentary filming squatters area in Tin Shui Wai, one of the poorest region in HK flooded with thousands of immigrants, with the highest elderly suicidal rate in HK every year. This is a forgotten territory in a cosmopolitan world. All the skyscrapers that you see everyday do not belong to them. Poverty stricken and having no qualification, they are struggling at the other end to make ends meet, to find their identity in a capitalist world, to find a meaning to stay alive.

Poverty happens everywhere in the society throughout the world. These people had not fallen to the extreme end of absolute poverty, but certainly they are sufferring when the society's gap become larger and larger. They are completely excluded from the stream of development.

But I do believe that something can certainly be done to minimize the disparity.

Well......just want to make some noise after staying dormant for quite some time.

I have to churn out a reflection paper for this documentary...haiizzzz...anyone can brainstorm me with more ideas?

Public Universities out of the top list again

2008-10-09T22:45:00.003+08:00

University ranking is not everything, but it does mean something.

The Times Higher Education Supplement (THES) has compiled the latest 2008 World University rankings, and unsurprisingly, all public universities are nowhere to be seen on the list. It is the 2nd consecutive year that UM's ranking is falling beyond the world top 200. Being a graduate of UM, I must admit that it feels more disappointing than rejoicing to see the public universities' ranking consistently deteriorate.

Back in those days when I was a freshman, I could remember how UM glorify its no.89 in the world by displaying banners, virtually in each and every corner in the campus, where unless you are really blind otherwise you see them all. Ironically, we never advanced after year 2004. Instead ever since then we fell leaps and bounds, and last year, we were officially out of the top 200 list.

I do not believely entirely on rankings, as I think it is subjective, and it is bound to bias, and no doubt it is always dominated by UK and US universities, whereby some outstanding European mainstream universities might sometimes be left out. It is certainly not the sole guide to determine whether a university is good or bad, but still, we must admit that it somehow reflects the academic quality and standard of the university. If UM can reach the top 50 during its heyday back in the 1960s and 1970s, why can't it be maintained within the top 200 now, when the country is gearing up towards 2020, a timeline we had given ourseleves to achieve a developed state?

Well, it is not fair to say that the university has done nothing to salvage its quality for the past few years. We employed new chancellors with new visions, we had been pouring in more resources and money in research and development, we took in more foreign students and perhaps foreign lecturers as well, still, what is the problem?

The problem is our attitude and mindset. No matter how many trinkets and ornaments you put on yourself, people can just tell that you are a hooligan if you never change your attitude, the way you talk, or the way you carry yourself. The same applies to what had happened in public universities. We had been very superficial in our efforts of bringing up the quality of the university. It is pointless to keep on fixing the downstream problem, when the real problem is embedded at the upstream.

So what are the upstream problems? The upstream problem is the entire lopsided system which do not emphasize on meritocracy and equal opportunity. When there are still 2 types of matriculating system to the university, how can we say that we are fair and just? When there are so many braindrain occurring each and every year, how can we claimed ourselves a university of excellence? When the quota system is still being practiced, how can we be free and liberal, and advance further?

Malaysia, Singapore and Hong Kong are all colonies of British once upon a time. British had left all 3 countries a legacy in higher education. Today Singapore and Hong Kong retain their standings in the world, in fact they had even progressed further to show the world their excellence in higher education even without the British occupation. But why are we, as another colony of British, deteriorating instead?

There are already too many pressing problems in the country at the moment. I am just rambling on a most recent one. It is never too late for us to do something. But that something can never happen if we do not look into the root of all these problems.

第一个海外中秋-维多利亚公园

2008-09-26T23:20:00.011+08:00

这些照片是两个星期前的中秋夜晚，和友人一同摄于香港维多利亚公园的中秋彩灯会。真没想到这里的中秋是那么热闹的，而且还是公共假期，公园里只见一家大小出游野餐，甚至连老外的小孩也提着灯笼玩得不亦乐乎。

Tuesday with Morrie

2008-09-21T23:27:00.002+08:00

I'm sure many of you must have read this international bestseller before, yeah he is the same author for "The Five People You Meet in Heaven"- Mitch Albom. And both are all time favourites. Well, in any case you have not come across these books, you must really get hold of them to read one of these days。

I read the Chinese version of Tuesday with Morrie (相约星期二）a couple of years ago, and wasn't that much impressed. Maybe I was a little blunt at that time. After finishing the English version this evening, I thought it has given me new insight to perceive life. I thought that this is such a great book that I must share it with everyone.

This book is about last class of the author with his university time professor who was dying. The class met on Tuesdays. No books were required. The subject was the meaning of life. And it was taught from experience.
Some excerpts from the book：

About death:
"once you learn how to die, you learn how to live."
"why is it so hard to think about dying?"
"Because......most of us all walk around as if we're sleepwalking. We really don't experience the world fully, because we're half-asleep, doing things we automatically think we have to do."

About family:
"There is no experience like having children. That's all. There is no substitute for it. You cannot do it with a friend. You cannot do it with a lover. If you want the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being, and to learn how to love and bond in the deepest way, then you should have children."

About emotion:
"what I'm doing now.....is detaching myself from the experience.”
“If you don't allow yourself to go all the way through the emotions, you can never get to being detached"
"I have experience the emotion. I recognize the emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment."

About money:
" You don't need to have a big talent. There are lonely people in hospitals and shelters who only want some companionship. You play cards with a lonely older man and you find new respect for yourself, because you are needed."
"Devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."

About culture:
" The problem, is that we don't believe we are as much alike as we are. Whites and blacks, Catholics and Protestants, men and women. If we saw each other as more alike, we might be very eager to join in one big human family in this world, and to care about that family the way we care about our own."
"Invest in the human family. Invest in people. Build a little community of those you love and who love you."

About forgiveness:
"It's not just other people we need to forgive, we also need to forgive ourselves, for all the things we din't do, and all the things we should have done."

About the perfect day:
"Morrie was able to joke about his body now. The closer he got to the end, the more he saw it as a mere shell, a container of the soul. It was withering to useless skin and bones anyhow, which made it easier to let go."
"It's natural to die. The fact that we make such a big hullabaloo over it is all because we don't see ourselves as part of nature. We think because we're human we're something above nature."

Reference:
Albom, Mitch (1997). Tuesday with Morrie. Anchor Books

ISA......looking at the positive side of it

2008-09-19T20:04:00.004+08:00

The dramatic event of 3 ISA detainees, of whom 2 had been released just within a week, with 1 remain incarcerated together with the 60 over rest, led most Malaysians (including me) to into a state of strife and confusion.

I can't help but will log on to the Msia Kini website to keep following the first hand breaking news whenever I had the time to go online, everywhere! No doubt, ISA is no longer relevant to be warranted in today's civic society. Most of the time we are more than certain that this kind of draconian action is used by some revengeful ruling politicians to tame their political opponent. Common sense tells us that.

Looking at the positive side of these series of events, I must conclude that I did learn something meaningful and inspiring too, which is the courage to uphold one's principle and belief even though it does not favour your own political stand. I was rather amazed, and I must say that I really salute this Law Minister of ours, Datuk Zaid Ibrahim for his audacity and braveness of upholding his own belief and stand despite being caught in a complicated political situation. How many people can actually give up their own prestige and status (not to mention money and many other material rewards) in pursuing their own belief? How many people are willing to do so? How many people can really let go? No matter what is the agenda behind, he is certainly one of the few who had uplifted the spirit of many disappointed Malaysians, who emobodied the virtue of a true hero.

清晨感想

2008-09-18T08:33:00.004+08:00

很多时候生活不会和想象之中的那么美好，工作，不管是什么性质的，也不会是完美无瑕的。

在飘浮不定与五花八门中寻找一个平衡点，其实真的是一门学问。

在绚烂繁华之中保持着自己的原则而不随波逐流，也不是那么简单。

挥别过去的填鸭式教育，研究生的日子是个全新的开始。要反复不停地逼自己独立思考，而不是对课本所传授的理论照单全收，甚至还要不断的质疑和探索。

昨夜和教授一起乘搭同一趟巴士回去时，间中的谈话顿时觉得他们和我以前所接触的老师太不一样了。也许受到西方的影响，教授与学生之间鲜少有辈分大小轻重的感觉，他们更像是朋友，他们更欢迎进一步与深入的学术交流。他们的谦卑实在让我为之钦佩。

我，现在就要努力的寻找这个平衡点。

My adorable classmates

2008-09-10T23:16:00.002+08:00

Finally I got hold of one picture of the entire classmates of mine in HKU.

This is a lovely picture depicting all classmates, taken by our beautiful and fashionable lecturer- Elsie.

Our age range is huge, ranging from those early twenties (fresh grad) to late thirties . All of us are from very diverse backgrounds when we were doing our first degree, encompass all kinds of field of study.

Samantha, Malina and I are the only non-HKese and Chinese.

Friends are mostly warm and friendly. Din't really manage to get to talk to a minor few yet though, but still, I'm sure time will make us know each other deeper and better.

Most of us share the same vision to work with people, and hopefully to help them to attain a better livelihood. We aspire to become a change agent in the society (well sounds too idealistic?) but at least for now, we really want to keep this naive and pure thought alive!

Striving hard for a disciplined life

2008-09-08T19:30:00.002+08:00

So, graduate study is indeed demanding! Just after a week of classes, I have been assigned many readings. I have not really adjusted myself to the pace of HK as yet. After a week of gazing around familiarizing myself with the surroundings, it's time for me to really start gearing up for the semester now. Found myself to be very sluggish and moody lots of time, I have not really gotten out of the comfort zone of my home sweet home, and worse still, I think I was still very much indulging on the over-relaxing and carefree holiday mood 3 months ago, as I constantly pictured myself to be in the wide lavish greeneries with bunch of sheeps surrounding me!

Well, it's time to wake up from my fantasies to face the dreadful reality. I have to really design a schedule for myself to discipline my life again from this point onwards. I have been motivating myself to get up as early as 6 in the morning again, but no doubt, I failed all the time.

So now I'm telling myself that, tomorrow I'm going to do it!

6am Get up for morning jog
7am Breakfast time, meditation (Oh I really must do it!)
8am Reading, start constructing paper framework
12pm Lunch
1pm Proof read intake summary, submit online, continue reading
4pm Interview session with Dr. Sam
6pm Dinner, TV
7pm Surfing and reading my favourite websites
11pm Sleeping time

Adjustment disorder

2008-09-02T21:55:00.001+08:00

I hate to say that I'm actually rethinking about my first and foremost intention of opting to study in HK last year. I felt completely suffocated when I walked pass the busy street of WanChai and Causeway Bay this morning to catch my bus. People were rushing as if they will lose 1 million dollars if they were late by just a second. And my sneeze and morning sinus actually got worse after touching down 2 days ago, thanks to the high pollution index over here. My school is just as pitiful as UM (UM is my undergrad uni back in Msia). Well, maybe in terms of world ranking HKU is certainly much higher, but the landscape and surrounding really dissapoint me, at least UM still has a lake, and some jogging tracks, HKU is so congested, so centralized, and hardly has space for outdoor activities. Well the old English architecture is probably nice, but doesn't impress me much though. And worst of all, I think I'm surrounded by a huge bunch of competitive classmates, and they all have got impressive background.

Guess I'm facing some kind of adjustment disorder now. Come on, just relax! It's going to be fine, it's going to be ok, I kept telling myself.

I really feel that I was being left behind now, missing the orientation and briefing session, when everybody got to know each other.....At least my best friend in the states is going back to the same school she was attending during her undergrad, but here I am, coming to a totally alienated world surrounding by aliens. haizzz...And missy (well this is how HKnese address our female lecturer/professor) has assigned term paper and reading on the first day! Don't you think this is silly? oh sorry, I shouldn't condemn a lecturer.

Tomorrow is another long day. I'm trying my best to catch up and adjust myself to the socio-environment over here. May I be at peace.

National Day

2008-08-31T05:58:00.000+08:00

It's national day! Malaysia celebrates its 51st birthday, after Tunku Abdul Rahman declared independence in Merdeka Square, together with TunTan Cheng Lock and Tun Sambathan after their successful negotiation with the British in obtaining independence for the country back in 1957. Well, anyway why am I talking about history at this time? The point is I'm flying off to HK today. I was putting up a night in KLIA last night, sleeping on the sofa, when I was aroused by a boisterous noise of crowd cheering and loud music in the midst of my sleep. I awaked to learn that the music was emitted from a TV not faraway from where I slept, showcasting some historical moments of 1957, while playing the national anthem at the same time. Gosh, did they know that it was almost 2am at that time?!Saw some superpatriotic Msians who really woke up and stood still to pay their respect. Wow....I must salute them. But I continued to fall into my dreams after that, well I'm just patriotic in a different way, I told myself, maybe a lame excuse to continue with my sleep without guilt.

I fell back into sleep reconstructing my dream. I dream that one day the country can rise in international scenes by the combined efforts of all fellow Msians. I dream that one day we achieve 100% racial unity, where racial conflicts and hostility cease. I dream that one day Malaysia is dare to practice meritocracy, where special rights are abolished and all Msians are treated equal and fair. I dream that one day there is only one nation, one dream, and one hope in this country.

May all my dreams come true. Happy birthday Msia! Good luck to myself.

Last Day at Home

2008-08-30T15:03:00.000+08:00

Few more hours to go before I catch my flight to KL tonight, and embark on my journey to HK tomorrow early morning. I was busy preparing my final checklist and squeezing my clothes and my shoes in my bulky luggage (gosh, can't even imagine how am I going to actually carry them across the custom), when ma appeared in my room with another few more bags in her hand," Nah, take this, 'kono mee' (noodle), mooncake, and some coughing medicine, oh..and later my friend is going to send us some Tau Sar Piah(biscuits), and you can bring few boxes there." I was dumbfounded, wanting to tell her that she could keep those things at home because I can't afford to carry any more food there and it's not that I'm going to starve there...etc, when she immediately opened my luggage again, rearranged all my stuff, and further compressed all those bags that she just brought to my room, with her very pro skills. I surrendered, and completely amazed with how she did that at ease.

I'm going to leave home. Technically I had never been away from home for more than 4 months, and this time it's certainly going to be more than that. A friend asked me whether or not I am excited. I told him no, not at all, perhaps I had already been very prepared about this since a long time ago. I knew that I'm not on a vacation this time, it's going to be challenging venture to me. I'm pursuing social work and social policy studies, something very different from my undergrad major. Yeah I did work with HIV infected youths for the past one year, but this time it's going to be the time where I get real professional training, I can forsee that it is going to be a different one from my previous exposure.

I'm going to miss home, miss my parents, miss ima (my grandmother), and miss the food here. But I'm also anticipating my new journey ahead. A brand new beginning which is going to offer me new insights, I wish.